ok...this one comes to you a little later than i planned...it's about last sunday's sermon and a new(?) definition of eternal life...
"and this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent" (john 17:3)
so eternal life is knowing God...and believing that Jesus was the one whom God sent...and receiving Jesus as that one...
if that is true...we need to rethink our paradigms about eternal life. it is not fire insurance. it is not our free ticket to heaven. it is knowing and being known by the God who created us. and knowing and being known even now...not in some far off place in the future that we reach when we die...it is now.
why would anyone want to know God? why do i? (do i?) why do i want to participate in God? why be part of this life that lasts forever (beginning now)?
i think it's because i believe that all of life is sacred...that life is holy...that we are all connected...that all of life is connected in God. because of the character/nature/economy of God...the love and nature of God...to love and live as Christ loved and lived...among all people...because i believe in that kind of love and that kind of living (though i don't tend to do it myself as much as i would like).
and if the words Christ has spoken will be my judge, how, then, shall i live?
and another thing: if Jesus made everyone accessible to God, who are we to exclude anyone? who are we to deny anyone that access?
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
i don't like the library
strange coming from a bibliophile...but.
i gave up buying books for lent. painful. like telling my husband he can't have coffee for 40 days. so i'm relegated to the public library...which is not altogether a bad thing. they have all their stuff on-line and you can check out the catalog before going so you make a worthwhile trip rather than going for a book that's not there. you can even renew books online...yay. so i went online and looked for several books in which i am interested in reading...most of them were not in or were on order. so i put my name in to hold them. which also can be done online. and then they email to say the books are in...great.
until...
you get a brand new book that's 357 pages long and is really great (the bastard of istanbul...check it out...no pun intended) but at this point, it's a 7 day loan. i have to return it tomorrow...and i'm only halfway through. of course...if it's late in the day tomorrow, it will still be tomorrow...
can i do it? can i really finish this great book in less than 24 hours?
i gave up buying books for lent. painful. like telling my husband he can't have coffee for 40 days. so i'm relegated to the public library...which is not altogether a bad thing. they have all their stuff on-line and you can check out the catalog before going so you make a worthwhile trip rather than going for a book that's not there. you can even renew books online...yay. so i went online and looked for several books in which i am interested in reading...most of them were not in or were on order. so i put my name in to hold them. which also can be done online. and then they email to say the books are in...great.
until...
you get a brand new book that's 357 pages long and is really great (the bastard of istanbul...check it out...no pun intended) but at this point, it's a 7 day loan. i have to return it tomorrow...and i'm only halfway through. of course...if it's late in the day tomorrow, it will still be tomorrow...
can i do it? can i really finish this great book in less than 24 hours?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
the union is breaking up
so arizona doesn't observe daylight savings time. i saw last week that new mexico still observes the planet pluto...
that's it!! the union is breaking up...secession is about to occur!!
ok maybe not...but it's pretty funny anyway.
that's it!! the union is breaking up...secession is about to occur!!
ok maybe not...but it's pretty funny anyway.
meaningless, meaningless...
i think i caught a glimpse of what the writer of ecclesiastes was feeling when he wrote that everything is meaningless. we are here for a moment and the moment is gone. so what's the point of anything?
i don't mean to sound nihilistic...because that's not how i felt. i simply realized how short life is. we are all one breath away from death, not knowing when or how it will sneak up on us. even if i live a long, healthy life, it is merely a blink relative to eternity. so...why do we bother? why do we run around trying to achieve and earn the degrees to get the job to get the money to get the stuff? why do we live life at warp speed? there's wanting to do a lot of stuff there's that much you want to see, touch, learn, experience...and then there's running around like the proverbial headless chicken because you feel like you have to. what's the point of that part? why do we work ourselves into an early grave from the stress of living a life we weren't intended to live?
yes, ladies and gentlemen, i am--and have been for off and on for some time--dealing with my own mortality here. the question worth asking (among the many) is: how do i want to use this time? what do i really want to get out of it? what do i really want to give it?
this whole how do i make the most of this time question unexpectedly burrowed its way into my being and is unwilling to leave...so...in an attempt to not try to outdistance that which is running inside me, i'm trying to work with it. i opened one of our many already packed boxes (more on the move another time) and pulled out wayne muller's how then shall we live? it's on loan from a dear friend...as are several other books in my stash. muller centers the book around "the questions that shape our lives". even if you don't read the book, they are good questions to ask...
i don't mean to sound nihilistic...because that's not how i felt. i simply realized how short life is. we are all one breath away from death, not knowing when or how it will sneak up on us. even if i live a long, healthy life, it is merely a blink relative to eternity. so...why do we bother? why do we run around trying to achieve and earn the degrees to get the job to get the money to get the stuff? why do we live life at warp speed? there's wanting to do a lot of stuff there's that much you want to see, touch, learn, experience...and then there's running around like the proverbial headless chicken because you feel like you have to. what's the point of that part? why do we work ourselves into an early grave from the stress of living a life we weren't intended to live?
yes, ladies and gentlemen, i am--and have been for off and on for some time--dealing with my own mortality here. the question worth asking (among the many) is: how do i want to use this time? what do i really want to get out of it? what do i really want to give it?
this whole how do i make the most of this time question unexpectedly burrowed its way into my being and is unwilling to leave...so...in an attempt to not try to outdistance that which is running inside me, i'm trying to work with it. i opened one of our many already packed boxes (more on the move another time) and pulled out wayne muller's how then shall we live? it's on loan from a dear friend...as are several other books in my stash. muller centers the book around "the questions that shape our lives". even if you don't read the book, they are good questions to ask...
- who am i?
- what do i love?
- how shall i live knowing i will die?
- what is my gift to the family of the earth?
just don't mess with free will
bruce almighty was on the other night and we watched it. it had been a while since i saw the movie and i have to say there's some good theology in it. that was saturday night.
sunday morning, in sunday school, we talked about self-discipline and self-control and got on the issue of having some sort of regular prayer and/or regular bible study time. my heretical husband suggested that maybe the reason it's so hard for us to establish a regular prayer/study time is that we don't like to do it. he likened it to having to talk to his grandparents on the phone as a child vs. as an adolescent. as a child, you want to talk to your grandparents and tell them what you did that was so great. as an adolescent, it was a chore to talk to them; you did it because your parents made you and you were off the phone as soon as humanly possible--if not sooner. for many of us now, prayer feels like a chore. and it's hard to have a conversation with someone who says very little, if anything at all. last time i checked, that was considered a monologue.
i have my own reasons for not wanting to sit down and pray, though i think that is changing and perhaps some motivation to do so is seeping in. i hope that is the case.
back to the movie: God (in the form of morgan freeman) tells bruce to pray. bruce offers up a sort of laundry list prayer--typical format for most of us when we try to have a regular prayer time. then God tells bruce to try it again. to say a real prayer this time. and bruce does. earnestly, honestly, vulnerably, transparently. "now that's a prayer." perhaps that is what God would rather have from us...not so much the daily laundry list and we're done sort of prayer, but the earnest, vulnerable, honest, transparent prayer--whatever form that takes. and perhaps it doesn' t have to happen everyday. perhaps it doesn't have to happen for a prescribed length of time. perhaps we have been given the spiritual capacity to know when we need to actively pray and when we need to simply be present. perhaps we get to decide on our own when and how to pray.
the hard part, i think, for most people is that they "don't know how." everyone wants someone to tell them exactly what to do...how to pray, how to study scripture, when to do so, what's the formula for getting it right? so much for wanting that ability to work it out on our own. i believe that's part of that free will thing...
bruce was given all of God's power to do what he deemed necessary. the only real instruction was "just don't mess with free will." free will is a funny thing. it, like the humans who possess it, is inherently good but capable of so much bad. free will is what lets us grab life by the horns and find our own way through it. it's also what allows someone to make the decision that one person's medical situation is just not that critical, leading to death.
we are free to live with God's painfully limited intervention. some days i appreciate that freedom. others not so much. like so many of us humans, i want free will...but not really...but...
we are free to choose how we will live and how we will love and what we will do with whatever grain of hour glass sand is ours. we have the option of participating in God or not; to pray or not; to love or not; to honor all of life or not. bidden or not, free will is here to stay. what will we do with it?
maybe all of this sounds somewhat schizophrenic. i hope not. if it does, i hope you are able to sift through and find something worth chewing on.
sunday morning, in sunday school, we talked about self-discipline and self-control and got on the issue of having some sort of regular prayer and/or regular bible study time. my heretical husband suggested that maybe the reason it's so hard for us to establish a regular prayer/study time is that we don't like to do it. he likened it to having to talk to his grandparents on the phone as a child vs. as an adolescent. as a child, you want to talk to your grandparents and tell them what you did that was so great. as an adolescent, it was a chore to talk to them; you did it because your parents made you and you were off the phone as soon as humanly possible--if not sooner. for many of us now, prayer feels like a chore. and it's hard to have a conversation with someone who says very little, if anything at all. last time i checked, that was considered a monologue.
i have my own reasons for not wanting to sit down and pray, though i think that is changing and perhaps some motivation to do so is seeping in. i hope that is the case.
back to the movie: God (in the form of morgan freeman) tells bruce to pray. bruce offers up a sort of laundry list prayer--typical format for most of us when we try to have a regular prayer time. then God tells bruce to try it again. to say a real prayer this time. and bruce does. earnestly, honestly, vulnerably, transparently. "now that's a prayer." perhaps that is what God would rather have from us...not so much the daily laundry list and we're done sort of prayer, but the earnest, vulnerable, honest, transparent prayer--whatever form that takes. and perhaps it doesn' t have to happen everyday. perhaps it doesn't have to happen for a prescribed length of time. perhaps we have been given the spiritual capacity to know when we need to actively pray and when we need to simply be present. perhaps we get to decide on our own when and how to pray.
the hard part, i think, for most people is that they "don't know how." everyone wants someone to tell them exactly what to do...how to pray, how to study scripture, when to do so, what's the formula for getting it right? so much for wanting that ability to work it out on our own. i believe that's part of that free will thing...
bruce was given all of God's power to do what he deemed necessary. the only real instruction was "just don't mess with free will." free will is a funny thing. it, like the humans who possess it, is inherently good but capable of so much bad. free will is what lets us grab life by the horns and find our own way through it. it's also what allows someone to make the decision that one person's medical situation is just not that critical, leading to death.
we are free to live with God's painfully limited intervention. some days i appreciate that freedom. others not so much. like so many of us humans, i want free will...but not really...but...
we are free to choose how we will live and how we will love and what we will do with whatever grain of hour glass sand is ours. we have the option of participating in God or not; to pray or not; to love or not; to honor all of life or not. bidden or not, free will is here to stay. what will we do with it?
maybe all of this sounds somewhat schizophrenic. i hope not. if it does, i hope you are able to sift through and find something worth chewing on.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
a sense of entitlement
i went to the chiropractor's office yesterday and when i walked in, there was a little girl sitting patiently in the waiting room all by herself. she couldn't have been more than 4. in a few minutes, her grandmother came out, having finished her appointment, and had her granddaughter join her at the counter. everyone remarked about how well she sat by herself, and her grandmother commented that she would have to treat her granddaughter for behaving so well. at that point, this little voiced piped up: "hold me."
in our consumerist society filled with children (and their parents) who have this overwhelming sense of entitlement, it was pretty cool to hear that child ask for nothing more than to be picked up and loved on for being so well-behaved. and aren't we all entitled to being held just for being us.
in our consumerist society filled with children (and their parents) who have this overwhelming sense of entitlement, it was pretty cool to hear that child ask for nothing more than to be picked up and loved on for being so well-behaved. and aren't we all entitled to being held just for being us.
embrace the suck
it's interesting what you learn from npr. the title of this post is a phrase used by the military as part of their slang milspeak. other, perhaps more familiar, terms include FUBAR (f***ed up beyond all recognition), SNAFU (situation normal: all f***ed up), LPC (leather personnel characters...better known as boots), and more i can't think of right now...the joys of growing up in a military town. on npr last thursday, there was an interview with a former reservist who was in iraq in 2004 and more recently published a pamphlet updating the milspeak. it's entitled "embrace the suck" -- essentially translated, "it's tough, deal with it." other personal favorites include:
"back to the taxpayers": Navy slang for where a wrecked aircraft gets sent.
Groundhog Day: Every day of your tour in Iraq. Terms suggests the days never change—always long and hot, and the same events keep recurring. From the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day. John Wayne Driving School: Banging up a Humvee in the process of teaching new soldiers to drive it.
Ranger candy: An 800-milligram Motrin (ibuprofen) pill.
sand box/sand pit: iraq.
and while i usually listen to npr in the mornings, i have been changing the dial between 10-12 to avoid the diane rehm show because she seems to talk about nothing besides iraq.
i'm reading state of denial and having a hard time staying with it even though it's an incredible book and very well written.
i've said all this to say: i'm tired of hearing about iraq, iran, the war of terror, afghanistan, sunnis and shias, insurgents and the other noun that have made their way into our daily speech. however, while we simply hear about those things ad nauseam, we do not live it everyday. for that i am most grateful. i cannot imagine the atrocities being committed and witnessed by the men, women and children who find themselves trapped in a seemlessly neverending situation. it's not fair for any of them. it's not fair for the families of troops who stay here while they say their good-byes more regularly than they should at the revolving doors of most of our bases. again, i have to say i like the approach suggested in all quiet on the western front: let's just put the national leaders in a ring and let them duke it out themselves. those affected by war are in the overwhelming majority while those who create it sit in their nicely furnished and well-insulated (and i'm not talking about the itchy, fuzzy pink stuff) palaces, houses, what have you. let them become more involved in the conflict they escalate.
of course, regardless of who each of us is in this mess, we need to learn how to embrace the suck. perhaps then we can actually figure a way out.
"back to the taxpayers": Navy slang for where a wrecked aircraft gets sent.
Groundhog Day: Every day of your tour in Iraq. Terms suggests the days never change—always long and hot, and the same events keep recurring. From the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day. John Wayne Driving School: Banging up a Humvee in the process of teaching new soldiers to drive it.
Ranger candy: An 800-milligram Motrin (ibuprofen) pill.
sand box/sand pit: iraq.
and while i usually listen to npr in the mornings, i have been changing the dial between 10-12 to avoid the diane rehm show because she seems to talk about nothing besides iraq.
i'm reading state of denial and having a hard time staying with it even though it's an incredible book and very well written.
i've said all this to say: i'm tired of hearing about iraq, iran, the war of terror, afghanistan, sunnis and shias, insurgents and the other noun that have made their way into our daily speech. however, while we simply hear about those things ad nauseam, we do not live it everyday. for that i am most grateful. i cannot imagine the atrocities being committed and witnessed by the men, women and children who find themselves trapped in a seemlessly neverending situation. it's not fair for any of them. it's not fair for the families of troops who stay here while they say their good-byes more regularly than they should at the revolving doors of most of our bases. again, i have to say i like the approach suggested in all quiet on the western front: let's just put the national leaders in a ring and let them duke it out themselves. those affected by war are in the overwhelming majority while those who create it sit in their nicely furnished and well-insulated (and i'm not talking about the itchy, fuzzy pink stuff) palaces, houses, what have you. let them become more involved in the conflict they escalate.
of course, regardless of who each of us is in this mess, we need to learn how to embrace the suck. perhaps then we can actually figure a way out.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
just a bus driver
monday was my first day back on campus for lab in two weeks (ah, spring break)...and my first day back since i should have heard something regarding admissions. it was hard to walk to the building where my class meets and i found myself driving the bitter bus part of the way there. what's the point? i asked myself. i have done everything i can think of to try to get into this program and...well...it could be that no one has heard (even though the chair told us that those who were accepted would know within that first week after the interview) or that i am on the bubble...in typical march madness fashion. i am still hopeful...but that hope is clouded by doubt. still not sure what plan b is...still don't know if i should formulate that yet...still waiting. though my waiting is not as agonizing as it has been...
in other news on waiting, we learned that we were waiting for the town of apex to install a meter at our house...and then they could finish up the rest of the construction...and then we could close within a day of doing that...so we may actually get to close this week after all...and move on saturday...then again, we may not....to be continued.
and i have to say, going to a tropical location later this summer is a powerful motivation for getting my butt in the gym a little more and eating a little less...
in other news on waiting, we learned that we were waiting for the town of apex to install a meter at our house...and then they could finish up the rest of the construction...and then we could close within a day of doing that...so we may actually get to close this week after all...and move on saturday...then again, we may not....to be continued.
and i have to say, going to a tropical location later this summer is a powerful motivation for getting my butt in the gym a little more and eating a little less...
Thursday, March 08, 2007
go play
last saturday, al and i got the chance to spend the day together...sort of an impromptu "al and mary day" - and a much needed one at that. we finally got him his mountain bike, which took several hours, but was a lot of fun...he was like a kid at christmas. should have been since it very quickly wiped out a backlog of gifts my slack ass had for him...we thought about going to the flea market to see if we might find some treasures for our new house but it was late in the afternoon and we really didn't have time to look. not wanting to waste such a beautiful day, i suggested we spend as much of the afternoon as we could outside...so we went to lake johnson and walked the 3 miles around it.
i realized that day that i want to reclaim my inner child who spent very little of her time outside playing...or playing any kind of sport. i'm sure in the near future, i too will purchase a bike...and i really hope to purchase a kayak so i can take it out on the many lakes in the area. ultimately, i just want to spend more time outside playing. i didn't do much of that as a child...my family wasn't a very active one and we didn't do much in the realm of "play." it is an unfortunate truth and one i want very much to correct. most of us don't spend enough time playing whatever form that may take. i want to correct that, too. so here's to the great outdoors and the many hidden places we can all go play.
oh! and if those weren't enough...the evening culminated in the best concert i have been to to date...billy joel live at the rbc center. those hands are older than when he started but they can still move across the keyboard like nobody's business
i realized that day that i want to reclaim my inner child who spent very little of her time outside playing...or playing any kind of sport. i'm sure in the near future, i too will purchase a bike...and i really hope to purchase a kayak so i can take it out on the many lakes in the area. ultimately, i just want to spend more time outside playing. i didn't do much of that as a child...my family wasn't a very active one and we didn't do much in the realm of "play." it is an unfortunate truth and one i want very much to correct. most of us don't spend enough time playing whatever form that may take. i want to correct that, too. so here's to the great outdoors and the many hidden places we can all go play.
oh! and if those weren't enough...the evening culminated in the best concert i have been to to date...billy joel live at the rbc center. those hands are older than when he started but they can still move across the keyboard like nobody's business
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
waiting
it's not much fun, this waiting thing i am doing. waiting to hear if i have gotten into school...which, incidentally, looks less promising as the days go by. waiting to move into our new house...waiting to close...waiting to hear if we will close next week or if we will have to...you guessed it...wait some more. i am trying desperately to be patient during this time...i am trying to learn something from this very painful process...but it is so very hard. there is so much riding on my acceptance to school...or not...and if it's "not" i have to begin to formulate a plan b. i hope not to have to use that as i do not relish the idea of putting off school for yet another year. i'm not getting any younger. and i would like to start increasing the size of my family before the age of 35...
so for now, i'm waiting and hoping that things will come together as they seem to have done so much in recent months...well...until recently. now it's just...paralyzing.
so for now, i'm waiting and hoping that things will come together as they seem to have done so much in recent months...well...until recently. now it's just...paralyzing.
the funniest thing i think i have ever read
For those of you who have lived in
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)
Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili....
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
>
Chili # 2
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
>
Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Grea t kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer...
>
Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
>
Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
J udge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
>
Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
>
Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>
Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
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