we went to the early service at church yesterday, something we've recently begun as we are part of the college ministry and there are a fair number of students who go to the contemporary service. we were talking with one of our seniors when he was interrupted by a phone call on his cell. he took the call and, after only a minute, asked if there was a staff minister available to talk with whomever it was on the phone. it happened that very few ministers were there yesterday morning, for one reason or another, but we connected him with one who was nearby. apparently something had happened in one of the dorms, which our student noticed on his way to church (there were many emergency vehicles present). our student called his friend who's an RA in that dorm to check and see if everything was ok. it was that RA who called, needing a minister to help cope with the situation. al and i spoke with the staff minister who was planning to go over once he got the service under way and asked if he wanted someone to go with him. he replied that they were asking for a minister.
and that chapped my ass.
i know that this minister didn't have any ill intention by making that comment. i'm sure that his response to the whole thing was a reaction more than it was thinking through the situation (or his analysis of the situation came up with "there's only one available minister right now and i'm he"). i'm also pretty certain that there's probably not a crisis response team or group of people upon which the church can call in times such as these. i do know for a fact that al and i are ministers--we both completed divinity school after all, i worked at wakemed for a year as a chaplain and al's even ordained--and there were two PhD psychologists in the room who are trained to work with trauma victims, one of whom was a school psychologist for many year and dealt with crisis intervention in the schools (to include a school shooting). there were available ministers in the room. but as none of the four of us are on staff as "paid, professional holy people," we don't qualify.
whatever happened to everyone being a minister? whatever happened to calling on people to use their gifts? whatever happened to setting the laity free to do ministry? why can't we get out of the mindset that if you're not on staff, you're not a minister?
at the same time, part of the reason i'm not a paid professional holy person is because i wasn't set free to do ministry. i didn't get to do the hands on stuff. i had to take care of administration and push paper more than i did actual hands on ministry. maybe this minister wanted a chance to have a hands on experience that morning. maybe not. either way, that's what he got.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
i'm harboring a fugitive, a defector of a kind...
and she lives in my soul and drinks of my wine and i'd give my last breath to keep us alive...
so then, how do i work out my salvation with fear and trembling and develop a theology that has integrity and works for me without being pluralistic or completely off base? how do i do that without feeling like everything i think and believe is wrong? because let's face it, none of us really has the answer. none of us really ever gets it "right." at the same time, perhaps some are more right than others, some have a clearer picture of what the kingdom of God and even Godself is like. at the very least, we are willing to constantly explore and think and read and learn and...well...work out our salvation in fear and trembling and hope that God is in the midst of that and perhaps uses all of that in some mysterious way.
i just know that as wrong as i may feel sometimes (or am made to feel), i can't be that far off base. i like me and how i think and my willingness to think and consider other perspectives...and i'd give my last breath to keep that alive.
so then, how do i work out my salvation with fear and trembling and develop a theology that has integrity and works for me without being pluralistic or completely off base? how do i do that without feeling like everything i think and believe is wrong? because let's face it, none of us really has the answer. none of us really ever gets it "right." at the same time, perhaps some are more right than others, some have a clearer picture of what the kingdom of God and even Godself is like. at the very least, we are willing to constantly explore and think and read and learn and...well...work out our salvation in fear and trembling and hope that God is in the midst of that and perhaps uses all of that in some mysterious way.
i just know that as wrong as i may feel sometimes (or am made to feel), i can't be that far off base. i like me and how i think and my willingness to think and consider other perspectives...and i'd give my last breath to keep that alive.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers
i did a lot of traveling this summer. a lot. and when you're on the road (or in the air) as much as i was, you talk to people--people you know, people you don't. and you never know who you'll meet or where the conversation will go.
i went to kyiv, ukraine on a mission trip with a group from my church. we spent a week at the ark, half the team doing construction work, the other half spending time with the 24 children currently living there. i was with a group of people, most of whom i did not know before this trip, nor did they know me.
we boarded the big plane (the flight to munich where we would connect to kyiv) in charlotte and were not the only group going to ukraine to do "mission work." i (and part of my group) was seated next to a woman (alyson) from the "brown shirt group" (one of the other groups had on brown t-shirts as they traveled as a team), and across the aisle was the team leader for that group, named ted.
well, we all get to talking: who are you, where are you from, what are you going to do while you're in ukraine and the like. alyson, upon learning we were from raleigh, asked later on if i'd attended the greg laurie event that was at the rbc center earlier in the summer. "noooooo. i was actually out of town while that was going on" (shit, it's gonna be a long flight) and sure enough, the conversation among the brown shirts was along the more conservative, evangelical line. i didn't say much; i didn't really even pay that much attention to the conversation all the time. until.
ted finally made the comment that there was a group of christians who'd recently published a new version of the bible that referred to God in gender-neutral language.
"can you believe that?" he said.
"actually," i answered, "i'm glad someone's finally done that."
after ted recovered from that apparently heretical statement he asked, "why?"
"because God is BOTH masculine AND feminine and to deny the feminine aspect of God denies part of who God is. at the same time, God transcends gender."
"but Jesus referred to God as Father."
"and Jesus was operating within a patriarchal society"
"but we're all created in the image of God"
"we are. and just as you and i have both masculine and feminine parts to ourselves, so does God. otherwise, how could i, as a woman, authentically relate to God?"
"oh. so you're one of those."
"yes, i am." (i didn't bother to ask which one of those...i was just happy to be able to say this is who i am)
"well let me ask you this... (i'm sure you can guess which topic was coming up next...) do you think the church should ordain homosexuals?"
"i think the church should ordain anyone who's been called by God" (i wasn't thinking fast enough or i would have said that we don't need to ordain anyone because if you've been called by God...hell, if you've been baptized...you've been ordained)
so then he moved on to another, more typically "evangelical" question and i just stopped trying to give my viewpoint because it wasn't going to get us anywhere. and ted didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the flight.
what i hate most about that type of situation is the fact that i come away feeling like i'm wrong for thinking/believing the way that i do...like it's wrong to be "one of those"
i went to kyiv, ukraine on a mission trip with a group from my church. we spent a week at the ark, half the team doing construction work, the other half spending time with the 24 children currently living there. i was with a group of people, most of whom i did not know before this trip, nor did they know me.
we boarded the big plane (the flight to munich where we would connect to kyiv) in charlotte and were not the only group going to ukraine to do "mission work." i (and part of my group) was seated next to a woman (alyson) from the "brown shirt group" (one of the other groups had on brown t-shirts as they traveled as a team), and across the aisle was the team leader for that group, named ted.
well, we all get to talking: who are you, where are you from, what are you going to do while you're in ukraine and the like. alyson, upon learning we were from raleigh, asked later on if i'd attended the greg laurie event that was at the rbc center earlier in the summer. "noooooo. i was actually out of town while that was going on" (shit, it's gonna be a long flight) and sure enough, the conversation among the brown shirts was along the more conservative, evangelical line. i didn't say much; i didn't really even pay that much attention to the conversation all the time. until.
ted finally made the comment that there was a group of christians who'd recently published a new version of the bible that referred to God in gender-neutral language.
"can you believe that?" he said.
"actually," i answered, "i'm glad someone's finally done that."
after ted recovered from that apparently heretical statement he asked, "why?"
"because God is BOTH masculine AND feminine and to deny the feminine aspect of God denies part of who God is. at the same time, God transcends gender."
"but Jesus referred to God as Father."
"and Jesus was operating within a patriarchal society"
"but we're all created in the image of God"
"we are. and just as you and i have both masculine and feminine parts to ourselves, so does God. otherwise, how could i, as a woman, authentically relate to God?"
"oh. so you're one of those."
"yes, i am." (i didn't bother to ask which one of those...i was just happy to be able to say this is who i am)
"well let me ask you this... (i'm sure you can guess which topic was coming up next...) do you think the church should ordain homosexuals?"
"i think the church should ordain anyone who's been called by God" (i wasn't thinking fast enough or i would have said that we don't need to ordain anyone because if you've been called by God...hell, if you've been baptized...you've been ordained)
so then he moved on to another, more typically "evangelical" question and i just stopped trying to give my viewpoint because it wasn't going to get us anywhere. and ted didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the flight.
what i hate most about that type of situation is the fact that i come away feeling like i'm wrong for thinking/believing the way that i do...like it's wrong to be "one of those"
labor day: the best holiday for students ever!
say what?
there are many wonderful "student holidays" or "breaks" in the semester. and i am a huge fan of them all. let's face it, by the time fall break rolls around, you need a couple of days to find the surface. thanksgiving gives you some time to be with family and eat and again find the surface. christmas break is better because the semester is over and you get way more days off than you did as a child. spring break is pretty cool because it's actually a whole week and you might even go somewhere (to escape the cold because it can hardly be called spring at the time of the break). good friday's a freebie (and i'll take it). and then we get to summer, which, again, is way longer than you had as a child. so what's the big deal about labor day?
given that we are nearing that holiday, you'd think my reflective side would think a little more about, oh i don't know, sabbath or something. and believe me, i do plan to sleep. but here's the thing. i have finished the first week and a half of my first semester in this ph.d. program (enter oh, shit face here) fairly unscathed (just a couple of paper cuts from all the articles i have printed and read/am reading). the challenge has been to find my rhythm and i've yet to really do that, due to a combination of things. consequently, i am already below the surface in terms of reading or knowing which end is up...though not so far that i can't find the top. the good news is, i have a few days this weekend to regroup and figure out what lies ahead for the next couple of months.
my point is this: labor day comes at a great time in the semester. you've (hopefully) gotten past the initial shock of the beginning of school (and beginning is loaded here) and you now have a few days to regroup and get to it. a week and a half and you get a little break. it's beautiful.
there are many wonderful "student holidays" or "breaks" in the semester. and i am a huge fan of them all. let's face it, by the time fall break rolls around, you need a couple of days to find the surface. thanksgiving gives you some time to be with family and eat and again find the surface. christmas break is better because the semester is over and you get way more days off than you did as a child. spring break is pretty cool because it's actually a whole week and you might even go somewhere (to escape the cold because it can hardly be called spring at the time of the break). good friday's a freebie (and i'll take it). and then we get to summer, which, again, is way longer than you had as a child. so what's the big deal about labor day?
given that we are nearing that holiday, you'd think my reflective side would think a little more about, oh i don't know, sabbath or something. and believe me, i do plan to sleep. but here's the thing. i have finished the first week and a half of my first semester in this ph.d. program (enter oh, shit face here) fairly unscathed (just a couple of paper cuts from all the articles i have printed and read/am reading). the challenge has been to find my rhythm and i've yet to really do that, due to a combination of things. consequently, i am already below the surface in terms of reading or knowing which end is up...though not so far that i can't find the top. the good news is, i have a few days this weekend to regroup and figure out what lies ahead for the next couple of months.
my point is this: labor day comes at a great time in the semester. you've (hopefully) gotten past the initial shock of the beginning of school (and beginning is loaded here) and you now have a few days to regroup and get to it. a week and a half and you get a little break. it's beautiful.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
modern day colonialism
so a month and a half ago, i had a conversation with someone who spent the summer in costa rica. and he brought up how costa rica has become very much like america because all these corporations are doing business or opening offices or just the amount of american tourism that goes through there and has influenced everything...such that it was like being at home, only they spoke spanish everywhere. he was somewhat frustrated by that, i think, because he seems to be somewhat nomadic himself and wanted to get away from the system we have here.
that got me thinking...what about places like iraq where we are not only imposing potentially our economy, but our whole system of government as well...and it's not well-received...but we keep trying and doing and making our presence known anyway.
and what about multiculturalism? how does that play into things? i did some great reading at the end of the summer by a somali-born muslim woman who addressed the issue of multiculturalism in her books. essentially, she pointed out that we need to be very careful when we wave the banner of multiculturalism, because there are parts of every culture that we should in no way embrace. from her experience and context as a muslim woman, the practice of female genital mutilation was accepted along with the rest of their practices when so many muslims immigrated to europe in the mid-late 90's. and it shouldn't be so. if we think it's a barbaric practice, chances are, it probably really is.
but what about the barbaric practices we, as a "highly civilized" society, endorse or carry out ourselves when we thrust ourselves into these modern-day colonialist practices? who will judge us? will we have to wait for the historians, or will we finally stand up and say "enough"?
that got me thinking...what about places like iraq where we are not only imposing potentially our economy, but our whole system of government as well...and it's not well-received...but we keep trying and doing and making our presence known anyway.
and what about multiculturalism? how does that play into things? i did some great reading at the end of the summer by a somali-born muslim woman who addressed the issue of multiculturalism in her books. essentially, she pointed out that we need to be very careful when we wave the banner of multiculturalism, because there are parts of every culture that we should in no way embrace. from her experience and context as a muslim woman, the practice of female genital mutilation was accepted along with the rest of their practices when so many muslims immigrated to europe in the mid-late 90's. and it shouldn't be so. if we think it's a barbaric practice, chances are, it probably really is.
but what about the barbaric practices we, as a "highly civilized" society, endorse or carry out ourselves when we thrust ourselves into these modern-day colonialist practices? who will judge us? will we have to wait for the historians, or will we finally stand up and say "enough"?
book market crashes...
and i'm to blame. see, in may i decreed that i would not purchase any books for myself (apart from what was required for school) until i finished my ph.d. it seems as though book sales have dropped by at least 30% in recent months.
coincidence?
coincidence?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
change of focus
so i just registered for my first marathon. for those of you questioning my sanity, note that i did not say "i just registered to run my first marathon." i hope to run a good chunk of it, but i'm certain i will walk a fair amount, too. and i'm ok with that.
i started training this past week after our return from mexico and it's nice to have an actual goal for working out...beyond the usual of stress relief and general health. in fact, it feels good to be focusing on what my body can do instead of how it looks. really good.
so if you have nothing better to do on sunday, november 4, beginning at 7:00 am...line the route and cheer us (yes, us...al is doing it too and so's robin) on. we'll be out there for awhile. but we all hope to finish in 6 hours or less...
to be continued...
i started training this past week after our return from mexico and it's nice to have an actual goal for working out...beyond the usual of stress relief and general health. in fact, it feels good to be focusing on what my body can do instead of how it looks. really good.
so if you have nothing better to do on sunday, november 4, beginning at 7:00 am...line the route and cheer us (yes, us...al is doing it too and so's robin) on. we'll be out there for awhile. but we all hope to finish in 6 hours or less...
to be continued...
Monday, July 23, 2007
quick rant
it's been nearly two months since my last post and you'd think this might be a long one to make up for the time gone...no dice. instead you get a quick rant on a pet peeve.
please, for the love of all that is sacred, don't use the article the before the noun ukraine. folks, it is not the ukraine, it is simply ukraine...just as it is not the england, the germany, the russia, the africa, the australia, the spain. i have seen and heard that misused so much this summer and especially by those who are going there to serve the people. for crying out loud, if you are going there to serve, or sending someone to do the same, you especially should get it right.
thank you. that is all.
please, for the love of all that is sacred, don't use the article the before the noun ukraine. folks, it is not the ukraine, it is simply ukraine...just as it is not the england, the germany, the russia, the africa, the australia, the spain. i have seen and heard that misused so much this summer and especially by those who are going there to serve the people. for crying out loud, if you are going there to serve, or sending someone to do the same, you especially should get it right.
thank you. that is all.
Monday, June 11, 2007
me, too
i had lunch yesterday with a dear friend whom i'd not seen in awhile and it was great to gather at the table, toast our soup spoons and catch up for a little bit.
we have a lot in common, she and i...both in who we are and in things with which we struggle and in common losses and experiences of grief. and i've learned that those are the people with whom i really need to spend time right now...whether we talk about those painful things or not...because the bond is there, the understanding is there and nothing needs to be said about any of it because we know. and when it is said, the common feeling is something like..."me, too"
so we shared recent events and happenings, good and bad, difficult and wonderful. and i think we both came away with a sense that we'd been in the other's sacred, most holy space...even if it was only for a few minutes.
we have a lot in common, she and i...both in who we are and in things with which we struggle and in common losses and experiences of grief. and i've learned that those are the people with whom i really need to spend time right now...whether we talk about those painful things or not...because the bond is there, the understanding is there and nothing needs to be said about any of it because we know. and when it is said, the common feeling is something like..."me, too"
so we shared recent events and happenings, good and bad, difficult and wonderful. and i think we both came away with a sense that we'd been in the other's sacred, most holy space...even if it was only for a few minutes.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
authentic ministry
found this on a friend's facebook profile and LOVE it.
It is possible to witness faithfully in today’s imperial Rome, with its idolatries of materialism, nationalism and violence. Christians in the first Rome did so by choosing a different kingdom, born on the margins of the empire, governed by a crucified rabbi, and committed to the poor of the earth. Authentic ministry here requires pastors with courage to unwrap the church’s theology from the national flag and grow congregations shaped by Jesus of Nazareth rather than the dominant culture. It is possible-but it will cost.
Peter Storey
more on that later i hope
It is possible to witness faithfully in today’s imperial Rome, with its idolatries of materialism, nationalism and violence. Christians in the first Rome did so by choosing a different kingdom, born on the margins of the empire, governed by a crucified rabbi, and committed to the poor of the earth. Authentic ministry here requires pastors with courage to unwrap the church’s theology from the national flag and grow congregations shaped by Jesus of Nazareth rather than the dominant culture. It is possible-but it will cost.
Peter Storey
more on that later i hope
consuming church
i was driving home from work yesterday and noticed that an area church had recently acquired and put out a beautiful new sign. and then i started thinking about that.
churches tend to:
two things.
1. we live in a consumerist society. yes. i know that. i am a guilty member (though in rehab) of it. but church is not up for consumption. that's not what Jesus had in mind i don't think. church is to develop community, provide support and fellowship and provide a place to continue to work out our personal and collective faith with fear and trembling. instead, we've repackaged and upgraded church to the point that it's hardly recognizable as anything more than another product on the market for public consumption. maybe that's why a lot of people don't like to go to church anymore. it's no different than any other company that sells you a product or offers some sort of specialized service. it's not set apart from the rest of society. instead it caters to it and becomes a huge money-making, marketing scheme. (have you really paid attention to a good bit of the crap in the christian bookstores lately?)
2. we spend more time in church and trying to get other people to come to our churches than we do going to where the people are. we are so consumed by growth and numbers (even those who say they aren't really are a little bit...you can't escape institutional context and mentality) instead of being among the people and meeting the needs of the people where they (and thereby extension we) are. and can we really try to stop using all this us/them language? (i realize it's all over the place here...that was intentional...it starts to sound pretty exclusionary and, well, ridiculous after a while) because if we really believe what we say--that we are all created in the image of God and we are all brothers and sisters in Christ--then there is no us/we and them. there is only us and we. and aren't we responsible for our family members? shouldn't we be checking on everyone in the family to see what they need? because chances are, it's not another church-product to consume.
churches tend to:
- put out a new sign to say "here we are"
- hire a firm to develop a beautiful new website "so people can find us easier on the web"
- add a marquis to their new sign to say "look what programs we have for you here"
- hire a marketing firm..."so we can let everyone know who we are, where we are, what we do so they can become part of us
two things.
1. we live in a consumerist society. yes. i know that. i am a guilty member (though in rehab) of it. but church is not up for consumption. that's not what Jesus had in mind i don't think. church is to develop community, provide support and fellowship and provide a place to continue to work out our personal and collective faith with fear and trembling. instead, we've repackaged and upgraded church to the point that it's hardly recognizable as anything more than another product on the market for public consumption. maybe that's why a lot of people don't like to go to church anymore. it's no different than any other company that sells you a product or offers some sort of specialized service. it's not set apart from the rest of society. instead it caters to it and becomes a huge money-making, marketing scheme. (have you really paid attention to a good bit of the crap in the christian bookstores lately?)
2. we spend more time in church and trying to get other people to come to our churches than we do going to where the people are. we are so consumed by growth and numbers (even those who say they aren't really are a little bit...you can't escape institutional context and mentality) instead of being among the people and meeting the needs of the people where they (and thereby extension we) are. and can we really try to stop using all this us/them language? (i realize it's all over the place here...that was intentional...it starts to sound pretty exclusionary and, well, ridiculous after a while) because if we really believe what we say--that we are all created in the image of God and we are all brothers and sisters in Christ--then there is no us/we and them. there is only us and we. and aren't we responsible for our family members? shouldn't we be checking on everyone in the family to see what they need? because chances are, it's not another church-product to consume.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
margaritas: the new endangered species
ok. so it's actually tequila that's becoming endangered...but you put tequila in margaritas so...
yes. it's true. apparently, farmers in mexico are burning fields in which they grew blue agave from which you get tequila to instead grow corn to meet the ethanol demands of the united states.
and i thought the price of meat was going to be an issue.
yes. it's true. apparently, farmers in mexico are burning fields in which they grew blue agave from which you get tequila to instead grow corn to meet the ethanol demands of the united states.
and i thought the price of meat was going to be an issue.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
God is on whose side?
"in times of war, you often hear leaders--christian, jewish and muslim--saying, 'God is on our side.' but that isn't true. in war, God is on the side of refugees, widows and orphans." -greg mortenson
so true...so very true...
so true...so very true...
Friday, May 25, 2007
in with the in crowd
so apparently the politics of fear is a popular means of governance these days. i guess in some parts of the world, it always has been (the former soviet union, the current post-soviet states, china, cuba, the middle east...) but now...we have it in ukraine...again.
apparently, american politics of fear could be worse...at least our leader hasn't taken complete control of the military in the name of national security.
yet.
apparently, american politics of fear could be worse...at least our leader hasn't taken complete control of the military in the name of national security.
yet.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
beer bubbles, two mommies and no more books
so i was in borders tonight perusing the headlines of the n&o and on the front page (near the bottom left) was an article about beer bubbles. it seems that a mathematician and a scientist got together and worked out the formula for why beer bubbles change size. really? that's how we are spending our time and energy? that's where all the creative talent is going? what's it going to take to really channel that into, oh, i don't know, renewable energy sources? alternative fuel sources? a viable plan for healthcare? a viable plan for immigration? come on!
and i was at work today and a mom dropped her 2 children off at the beginning of the day. well, one of her children caught sight of another woman and said "that's my mommy." at the end of the day, mommy #1 came over and, as the children were saying good-bye to me, she introduced their "other" mommy. my first thought went to the whole surrogate, everyone has 5 "mommies" line of thinking. you know...there's mom and then there are the other women in our lives who serve somewhat of a maternal function. it hit me about 30 seconds later...this other woman really is the other mommy. wow. i'm not really sure what to do with all of that...still in a little bit of shock at how nonchalant the whole thing was. i know that happens...i know it does...and i'm really not terribly uncomfortable with it...well, maybe a little...just because i haven't really been around that aspect of homosexuality as much. it was just an interesting moment in my life.
and now for the biggie...
i made a decree tonight that i was not going to buy books for myself until i finished my ph.d. (the caveat of course being the books i need for school and the like...professional reading, so to speak). i figure that i have enough on my shelves to read to keep me busy while i'm in school...and then there's always the library. i'm just trying not to think of this as a 5-year lent experience. it may serve as a powerful motivator...
so.
incidentally, just because i'm not buying books for myself doesn't mean you all can't...the amazon wish list is still in existence.
and i was at work today and a mom dropped her 2 children off at the beginning of the day. well, one of her children caught sight of another woman and said "that's my mommy." at the end of the day, mommy #1 came over and, as the children were saying good-bye to me, she introduced their "other" mommy. my first thought went to the whole surrogate, everyone has 5 "mommies" line of thinking. you know...there's mom and then there are the other women in our lives who serve somewhat of a maternal function. it hit me about 30 seconds later...this other woman really is the other mommy. wow. i'm not really sure what to do with all of that...still in a little bit of shock at how nonchalant the whole thing was. i know that happens...i know it does...and i'm really not terribly uncomfortable with it...well, maybe a little...just because i haven't really been around that aspect of homosexuality as much. it was just an interesting moment in my life.
and now for the biggie...
i made a decree tonight that i was not going to buy books for myself until i finished my ph.d. (the caveat of course being the books i need for school and the like...professional reading, so to speak). i figure that i have enough on my shelves to read to keep me busy while i'm in school...and then there's always the library. i'm just trying not to think of this as a 5-year lent experience. it may serve as a powerful motivator...
so.
incidentally, just because i'm not buying books for myself doesn't mean you all can't...the amazon wish list is still in existence.
Monday, May 21, 2007
brains and guts
i was part of a conversation last week about men, women, gender roles and stereotypes and the discussion went to the fact that men tend to stay in the intellect and women tend to stay in the gut (it is the truer seat of emotion, folks) and never the twain shall meet, either internally or externally. it's simply not ok to do so. ironically enough, the convergence of the two is where each of us becomes wholly one.
it hit me (as the undertow often does) that i (and yes i am still a woman) have spent much of the last three years in my intellect way more than my gut. those who don't know me well are surprised to find out that i am a feeler on the MBTI. anyway. it occurred to me that probably the reason for that is this: it's what helps me get through the day. honestly, if i stayed in my gut, i'd be an emotional pool on the floor more often than not. and while i am much more willing to be the weepy chick (thanks tm), i'm pretty tired of feeling the pain.
it hit me (as the undertow often does) that i (and yes i am still a woman) have spent much of the last three years in my intellect way more than my gut. those who don't know me well are surprised to find out that i am a feeler on the MBTI. anyway. it occurred to me that probably the reason for that is this: it's what helps me get through the day. honestly, if i stayed in my gut, i'd be an emotional pool on the floor more often than not. and while i am much more willing to be the weepy chick (thanks tm), i'm pretty tired of feeling the pain.
waiting on the world to change
so gas prices are at an all time high...the highest ever, including adjusting for inflation. we close refineries (note the plural there) to do routine maintenance and they can't produce enough gas for the rest of us. and the gas companies are making money hand over fist. how convenient. how clever. how stupid.
and of course they have us over a barrel (no pun intend...who am i kidding? yes it was). we have to put gas in our cars so we can drive to work to make the money to drive to the malls to spend the money to boost our semi-circular economy (which doesn't really boost anything) and to go back to the pumps to spend our money to put gas in our car to drive to work to make the money to buy the things and go back to the pump...
does anyone else feel like a caged rodent on a shiny metal wheel?
when will it matter? when will we really pay attention to the world around us and all that is within it and see the need to make a difference? i can't do that...the problems are too big...the problems are too scary...i just can't. well, we better start. global warming is no joke. war is no joke. poverty, hunger, genocide are no laughing matters. immigration really does exist. quality, affordable health care is not a punch line. yet here we are sitting in a place that has the resources and the people power and the brains to do something about all of the above.
unfortunately, as i write this, the aforementioned slumber. we don't have imagination because no one calls for it...because we are too caught up in the rodent wheel...because we are too blissfully ignorant to want to pay attention. it's easier this way.
but it's not.
it's going to take imagination on a grand scale for us to get out of this mess. and the scary part is, as i look around, i'm more afraid that we are going to have to keep on waiting for the world to change and wait for the day when "our generation is going to rule the population" and maybe then we'll make some strides. i just hope we can do it before it's too late.
and of course they have us over a barrel (no pun intend...who am i kidding? yes it was). we have to put gas in our cars so we can drive to work to make the money to drive to the malls to spend the money to boost our semi-circular economy (which doesn't really boost anything) and to go back to the pumps to spend our money to put gas in our car to drive to work to make the money to buy the things and go back to the pump...
does anyone else feel like a caged rodent on a shiny metal wheel?
when will it matter? when will we really pay attention to the world around us and all that is within it and see the need to make a difference? i can't do that...the problems are too big...the problems are too scary...i just can't. well, we better start. global warming is no joke. war is no joke. poverty, hunger, genocide are no laughing matters. immigration really does exist. quality, affordable health care is not a punch line. yet here we are sitting in a place that has the resources and the people power and the brains to do something about all of the above.
unfortunately, as i write this, the aforementioned slumber. we don't have imagination because no one calls for it...because we are too caught up in the rodent wheel...because we are too blissfully ignorant to want to pay attention. it's easier this way.
but it's not.
it's going to take imagination on a grand scale for us to get out of this mess. and the scary part is, as i look around, i'm more afraid that we are going to have to keep on waiting for the world to change and wait for the day when "our generation is going to rule the population" and maybe then we'll make some strides. i just hope we can do it before it's too late.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
my abbey greensboro
two weeks ago, i attended a dinner for a friend who is leaving his current place of ministry to embark on something completely new and different. as i listened to him talk about his next stretch of ministry, i couldn't help but feel jealous of those who would be an integral part of it. the very thing for which he has been searching in regards (and response) to institutional ministry is the very think in which i seek. it is also a bold and courageous move, leaving the stability of a full-time job with a full-time paycheck that supports not only him, but also his wife and 2 children. at the same time, he is an example of someone being true to his self, to who he really is deep down. it's that act of being true to himself that made him say to his wife one day (about a year ago) "i can't do this anymore."
(truth be told, some days i am waiting to hear the same thing from my own husband)
it was a wonderful dinner and chance to catch up with him as well as some other people whom i had not seen for months or years.
the next day, i drove to greensboro for the express purpose of having lunch with another dear friend (which i think was a pleasant surprise for him). we caught up on our lives and families and our conversation turned to my work at the hospital last year...how that was the hardest thing i'd ever done and yet the most transformational. and we talked about my grief and his wife's grief and how that plays out as we adjust to the "new normal."
i did take advantage of the locale to stop by my favorite coffee shop and get a cup of coffee, hoping to see some old friends there, too, but settled for the solitude of my glorious fair trade certified cup of decaf, the jazz that floated on the air and the eclectic groupings of art that hung on the walls.
and then, just as quickly as i'd gone there, i left. i regretted not having more time to be there, to really soak it all in and recharge--for every time i go i feel a little more grounded...part of it is nostalgia and the longing for a much simpler time. part of it is getting in touch with who i really am, as i started to become there. it is my place, where i embarked on the life that i built for myself, even if it was only for a few short years. it was, and i think still is, everything i need it to be.
(truth be told, some days i am waiting to hear the same thing from my own husband)
it was a wonderful dinner and chance to catch up with him as well as some other people whom i had not seen for months or years.
the next day, i drove to greensboro for the express purpose of having lunch with another dear friend (which i think was a pleasant surprise for him). we caught up on our lives and families and our conversation turned to my work at the hospital last year...how that was the hardest thing i'd ever done and yet the most transformational. and we talked about my grief and his wife's grief and how that plays out as we adjust to the "new normal."
i did take advantage of the locale to stop by my favorite coffee shop and get a cup of coffee, hoping to see some old friends there, too, but settled for the solitude of my glorious fair trade certified cup of decaf, the jazz that floated on the air and the eclectic groupings of art that hung on the walls.
and then, just as quickly as i'd gone there, i left. i regretted not having more time to be there, to really soak it all in and recharge--for every time i go i feel a little more grounded...part of it is nostalgia and the longing for a much simpler time. part of it is getting in touch with who i really am, as i started to become there. it is my place, where i embarked on the life that i built for myself, even if it was only for a few short years. it was, and i think still is, everything i need it to be.
ban mother's day from church
ok, so it's a week after mother's day and this probably should have been posted earlier. at the same time, it will be another 51 weeks before it comes back around and that's plenty of time for church-goers to take note: for a LARGE number of people, mother's day SUCKS. you have women who long to be mothers and are incapable of conceiving a child. you have women who are mothers but they have lost a child. you have women who don't have a good relationship with their mothers. daughters without mothers, grandmothers who are widows and go home alone, women struggling to find a maternal presence or role and are left lacking. but will the oldest and youngest mothers among you please stand up? and please present your babies for dedication or your children for baptism.
for those of us who fall into any of those categories, please don't make us suffer anymore than we already do. mother's day takes an inordinate amount of energy on our part (should we choose to actually go to church or any neighborhood hallmark starting around april fool's day) to try to be happy and cheery and yay mother's day. even more so when no one even acknowledges how hard that day is for so many people.
granted, there are many women who delight in mother's day. there are many special things done for that occasion, and, if you have a wonderful mother you should find ways to honor her. but it's like valentine's day. do we really need to set a day apart to honor mom? shouldn't we be doing that everyday, multiple times a day? assuming, once again, that you have a mom you'd like to honor. (we do that a lot in church...assume...and put on the happy, cheery, yay face.)
incidentally, the same can be said for father's day, veteran's day, memorial day, and most holidays and special occasions. if we are going to acknowledge those occasions (and i'm not saying it's inherently bad that we do so), we need to acknowledge those for whom it's not a good day as well.
for those of us who fall into any of those categories, please don't make us suffer anymore than we already do. mother's day takes an inordinate amount of energy on our part (should we choose to actually go to church or any neighborhood hallmark starting around april fool's day) to try to be happy and cheery and yay mother's day. even more so when no one even acknowledges how hard that day is for so many people.
granted, there are many women who delight in mother's day. there are many special things done for that occasion, and, if you have a wonderful mother you should find ways to honor her. but it's like valentine's day. do we really need to set a day apart to honor mom? shouldn't we be doing that everyday, multiple times a day? assuming, once again, that you have a mom you'd like to honor. (we do that a lot in church...assume...and put on the happy, cheery, yay face.)
incidentally, the same can be said for father's day, veteran's day, memorial day, and most holidays and special occasions. if we are going to acknowledge those occasions (and i'm not saying it's inherently bad that we do so), we need to acknowledge those for whom it's not a good day as well.
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