i don't mean to sound nihilistic...because that's not how i felt. i simply realized how short life is. we are all one breath away from death, not knowing when or how it will sneak up on us. even if i live a long, healthy life, it is merely a blink relative to eternity. so...why do we bother? why do we run around trying to achieve and earn the degrees to get the job to get the money to get the stuff? why do we live life at warp speed? there's wanting to do a lot of stuff there's that much you want to see, touch, learn, experience...and then there's running around like the proverbial headless chicken because you feel like you have to. what's the point of that part? why do we work ourselves into an early grave from the stress of living a life we weren't intended to live?
yes, ladies and gentlemen, i am--and have been for off and on for some time--dealing with my own mortality here. the question worth asking (among the many) is: how do i want to use this time? what do i really want to get out of it? what do i really want to give it?
this whole how do i make the most of this time question unexpectedly burrowed its way into my being and is unwilling to leave...so...in an attempt to not try to outdistance that which is running inside me, i'm trying to work with it. i opened one of our many already packed boxes (more on the move another time) and pulled out wayne muller's how then shall we live? it's on loan from a dear friend...as are several other books in my stash. muller centers the book around "the questions that shape our lives". even if you don't read the book, they are good questions to ask...
- who am i?
- what do i love?
- how shall i live knowing i will die?
- what is my gift to the family of the earth?
2 comments:
i think Qoheleth also says something about "eat, drink, and be mary, i mean merry..."
yes, qoheleth did say that. and i try...eating not so much a problem...drinking...not so much either. being merry...and some days being mary...now that's a little harder at times. but i'm learning.
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